<![CDATA[LETSBEREAL.COM.AU - Blog]]>Sat, 26 Sep 2020 20:14:31 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[my girlfriends are cheating on me]]>Wed, 23 Oct 2019 23:02:28 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/my-girlfriends-are-cheating-on-me
​Have you ever felt hurt when your circle of friends are out – you did not get the invite and you see them on social media? It feels like they are cheating, and it does hurt, and you question yourself on why. Hello, Inner Critic and boy is she loud. It is a super shitty feeling and I have definitely been there, but I want to share with you how I battled this and came out the other side without too many scars.
 
Firstly let's look at how we build those close friendships – My thoughts go straight to Brené Brown on this one and recalling her story on marble jar friends. It was about her daughter and how she explained trust – her classroom has a marble jar and when the students do something well marbles go in the jar and when they do something bad then marbles go out. Building trust is like the marble jar – you share hard times, stories with those friends and a marble goes in your friendship jar, the more you fill your jar the closer the friendship, the more you can trust – so the more marbles the more you share. When there are only a few marbles you need to build up your jar before you can share big stuff with them. Side note here but ex-husband number one did use to have all these marbles and now I cannot help but giggle and imagine friendships.
 
Once I started on my Personal Development journey I was all ready for new friends!  I know that I came into my first workshop pretty much best friendless – I had sacked my best friend as the new me was just not cutting it for her anymore. In turn, this meant, new friends needed! New people and workshops and I am surrounded by like-minded people (hello, my name is Kylie and I need a new best friend). I found out though, on this journey that I was not alone, a lot of women were exactly like me in search of new friendships as they have outgrown their own circle.  We don’t want to run around solo and it is our nature to be with friends and fit in… So, of course, I wanted to make friends with these ladies (ok, and admittedly quite desperately).
 
You know what really stood out when I attended these events, these workshops where the women that had already created the marble jar friends?  Oh wow, they were enlightened, supported each other, had boundaries and honestly were a badass tribe. Honestly, I felt like running around after the cool group and yelling - Pick me, pick me I wanted to be part of that group. You could say I was envious and if I really think about it I guess I wanted that drive through McDonalds friendship to occur (drive-through is fast food, so fast friends). Who would not want to walk into an instant badass girl tribe and just be besties straight up?
 
As much as I attended and talked at every luncheon or event I could get my hands on because I decided this was my new best friend tribe; these ladies did things without me. Ugh… I wanted the chair in the playground that was the friend chair – you know the one that they made in the schools so if a kid did not have friends to play with they could go and sit on this chair.… I wanted to go sit on it and they would notice me and invite me to everything. This was not the case though. For some reason, I was not invited to everything and I was watching the reel of happiness and hangouts on social media and I was sad and jealous.
 
As my personal development journey continued you could say while watching the badass girl tribe I again thought about Brené Brown and the marble jar. I was picturing this tribe and wondered how many marbles had they shared. As I thought about this I could see the bond and connection between these ladies and just purely imagined overflowing jars. This did give me comfort because that type of friendship was what I was aching for and the realisation is that it was something I could reach – I JUST HAD TO DO THE MARBLE THING!
 
Before you all start calling me out on this one, YES there is always an exception to the rule and this is the instant bestie – look the only way for me to explain this is that they are from a past life. I have defiantly felt it but magic has occurred and the universe has aligned and you are reunited in this life and you pick right back up where you left off from the last life. Instant bond. Remember this is the exception to the rule and not the rule.
 
OK, so with this in mind. I know to have that bond I have to do the work, I have to create marbles and this takes time. So every time my Inner Critic was talking too loud, I was back to my visualisation and you can add a thousand clichés in here but honestly ‘Rome was not built in a day’. So to have this – just like my personal development, just like my daily practices, to create those type of friendships I had to do the work.
 
What does that look like, well I do want to go back to point out the more marbles you have the more you share… don’t go scaring off your future badass tribe by coming on too strong. Just because you can see you are all going to be besties it does not mean they do. (I have got to stop telling every woman who makes me coffee that we are best friends – lol). To create something strong, it takes the right energy, it takes setting up boundaries (remember why you left your old friends), it is learning who the new is (no more people-pleasing), to create those real friendships of that badass tribe it will take time and effort as you grow and as you find your place. JUST WANT TO SAY TO ANY INNER CRITICS THAT ARE GETTING LOUD HERE – Yes, you do fit in, there is a place for you and you are enough. You just have to find your tribe and create your marble jar.
 
  
So off you go and this is what you do, then I hear especially Military women that they just don’t get along well with other females. OK – I am going to break your theory here. As military women, we have to move around and go on exercises, deployments and spend an extensive amount of time away from our home, family and yes our girlfriends. So yes you might have been filling that jar and you have a tribe and all is great and then you take off. What happens when you go, that tribe continues to grow with others and experiences change and so forth. I know for me when I deployed and returned home the world had changed but for me, I was stepping back where I had left off and I couldn’t.  I am going to tell you a story, I met David 2 weeks before heading off on a promotion course for six weeks and then I was home for another 2 weeks  before I headed off to Afghanistan – It was kind of like – you are awesome and there is something here between us and I hope you are around when I get back. I did not just switch off whilst away – I had my life back at home. So there was contact and I did the best I could to fill some marbles whilst away. Yes, it was bloody difficult and hard but all I could do was the best with what I had.
 
We do get blasé and have expectations that all will be the same on return. It is just not the case, work is required and it will depend on you. Military women do get along with other women, it is harder and more real energy has to be put into those friendships. Distance and no contact is removing marbles – you just got to rebuild them.
 
In saying all this I have found the sticky point where the Inner Critic wins. So this sticky point is when you feel that you have been badass with your marbles and you are there and you have created friendship expectations based around how full the marble jar is. THEN, some of your badass girl tribe go somewhere without you. OMG – I have made up a story in my head and the Inner Critic turns around and says ‘See, I told you that you don’t fit in, they don’t like you and you should not be friends’. Yep it is that painful. Reality half the time is there is a reason why, and come on, when did we get so so so insecure about ourselves.
 
If I look at my relationship with my daughter or my partner David. They are my family and I love them and they love me and guess what, our marble jars are overflowing. They do not invite me to everything, they hang out with other people and I do not get jealous. An example of a girl tribe – Sex and the City – those girls hung out separately as well and it was not always four of them together. I want to say that sometimes hanging out one on one is good, hanging out with different dynamics is great and I know that I am not less of a person because my family don’t want to hang with me 24/7.
 
What I am trying to tell you is that I am comfortable with me, yes the Inner Critic comes but I now trust my relationships because I have chosen them and I trust that I am enough. I am comfortable when I am not invited and I see pics on social media. I have learnt to speak up and say when I was not invited. You only get this feeling when you work on you, because, guess what this is purely a YOU issue and being insecure. I go back to what a psychologist once said to me ‘Where is the proof?’ There are pics on social media of friends hanging out without me and not once did they put a comment on there and say ‘p.s Kylie we don’t like you’. I am comfortable with who I am, I have to do my work to remove the jealousy.
 
If all the same people always hung out together with no variations I think how diverse my friendship would be. I love one on one time with girlfriends because we can get creative, small groups are great, mixing with new people that others invite in and so are big groups. I need and love that variety – I don’t always want to listen to the same play mix.
 
Look, sometimes you get it wrong. Ummm hello, husband number 3! You get it wrong and your circle is just not your circle and they are not your people. This does occur, we are human but I truly believe that it is for a reason and we learn and move on. What does Lisa Messenger say ‘Fail Fast!’ To realise it and just move on. Go be what you are supposed to be and be in the right circle.
 
My girlfriends are out without me, which is ok. I am comfortable and secure with who I am. Like me, they like to mix it up and there is always a story or a reason. My Inner Critic is there to protect me, I thank her but I am always going to look for proof and put myself out there. Life is too short for shitty friends, move on and enjoy a badass tribe. I am enough, ALWAYS.
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<![CDATA[What is my inner support?]]>Sat, 28 Sep 2019 02:37:45 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/what-is-my-inner-supportPicture
I have talked tonnes on what my external support looks like and how I have built it up, an amazing tribe to boot and they are great. I have my family support and my inner circle and all these I can reach out to when I need. I do call on them to deal with many issues or to have a safe space to just talk out what is going on in my head but I am not on the phone 24/7 with them and I do deal with issues, emotions, thoughts, meltdowns by myself – just me looking after me so what is this thing I call my inner support?

I know I used to think that I had to be constantly strong for myself and that Inner Support looked like me just yelling at my Inner Critic to be quiet. Like an Army Physical Training Instructor just yelling at you during a Physical training session. I was really hard on myself and I believed that this was my support. Words in my head “Come on Kylie snap out of this you are tougher than this” “Stop being a sook, get on with it, get over it”. I did this when I was low, I was not feeling like I could just move forward and in my mind that is not what my inner support needed to look like.

When I am talking to my FEAR – for sure I always need to remain firm – to remind myself it is FEAR and use words like ‘1,2,3, MOVE’ instead of just caving to it. I know I have had to kick my butt on numerous occasions.

What I wanted to find was my inner support that matched my external support. I can tell you that circle is a wonderful space for me to talk it out, no judgements, no tough talk at all. A very supportive space….. could I do this for myself?

OK – I will tell you the secret – I learnt how to do this. OK, OK, stop asking so many questions – I will tell you how this all started for me. There was actually a couple of steps that really created a strong inner support. Let me go through them with you.

Firstly, I know I talk about my inner critic (IC), I didn’t always talk to her with love. I was really harsh to her but honestly imagine if you could talk to her with love and compassion. Well I learnt that I could. Firstly I had to go through a practice of waking up for a whole week and just writing what entered my mind before I did anything else.I found during this practice all I did was argue with my IC and I hated it. What it looked like for me was all the thoughts that woke me at 3 am (these were just my IC telling me off for anything that I did not perfect the day before). So this caused my writing to be nothing but an argument. I remember discussing this task with my mentor and she just simply said "what if you spoke to her with love?" -I hadn't realised before how much anger was coming out in my words! Why wasn't I using love? For some reason this was what I needed and every time I start to use anger, I ask myself "Why not love?". I couldn't believe this one question really altered conversations in my head from then on in. I really am amazed at how it is the smallest shifts that can make a huge difference.

The second thing that changed for me was during my Monday night group meditation. Our meditation mentor was taking us through an amazing meditation and it was about your future self based on Tara Mohrs work – long story short it really resonated and worked so well. During the meditation I met my future self. The future Kylie is so wise, compassionate, loving, nurturing and I have to add one older hot mumma! I was in awe of her, I felt her wisdom and power. I knew she could deal with any of my hurt. This visual, this mediation was the seed I needed for my own Inner Support to grow.

This became by biggest inner support. If I needed to work through an issue or I felt I was emotionally struggling I would just call on future Kylie. The reason that I really resonated with my future self was I could see what she would bring to the table. Let me introduce you to future Kylie – she is fucking awesome and she totally has her shit together. She is enlightened, she is calm, she handles a crisis like a god.

During one of my psychology sessions I was dealing with my inner hurt! It felt like we went back to when I could remember my first hurt; it began when I was a small child and this visual of me as a young child kept popping up for me every time I would feel pain or hurt. My brain had connected the image of me as a child and hurt. So when a situation arose for me I would see myself with the younger me and the future me if I needed more support. I really did see the 3 of us dealing with anything.

What this looked like for me was a painful situation would arise and I could clearly see the younger me hurt and crying. I would be there with my hand on her shoulder utilising all my tools that I had learnt to deal with situations like this. I am forever learning and growing so I don't always have the answer. If it felt overwhelming, future Kylie would step in with a hand on my shoulder to support but then have all the solutions as she has learnt all the lessons. This became how my inner support worked, how I would deal with tough situations.

That baggage I carry around has really conditioned me. How I go to the visual of younger me is a meal reminder that a lot of my pain is in my past. I need to look at the situation thoroughly and not with old pain.

I have asked myself during these times what would a future Kylie do, it has become a well worn track in my brain and my first go to thought.

So these are the steps I took to create a kick ass inner support. I have said 'I am enough' to myself and publicly so many times it became my reality.

So ask yourself the next time you are in a difficult space. What would your future self do in this situation?

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<![CDATA[What is my inner support?]]>Fri, 27 Sep 2019 07:00:00 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/what-is-my-inner-support3176955What is my Inner support?
I have talked tonnes on what my external support looks like and how I have built it up, an amazing tribe to boot and they are great. I have my family support and my inner circle and all these I can reach out to when I need. I do call on them to deal with many issues or to have a safe space to just talk out what is going on in my head but I am not on the phone 24/7 with them and I do deal with issues, emotions, thoughts, melt downs by myself – just me looking after me so what is this thing I call my inner support?
I know I use to think that I had to be constantly strong for myself and that Inner Support looked like me just yelling at my Inner Critic to be quiet. Like an Army Physical Training Instructor just yelling at you during a Physical training session. I was really hard on myself and I believed that this was my support. Words in my head “Come on Kylie snap out of this you are tougher than this” “Stop being a sook, get on with it, get over it”. I did this when I was low, I was not feeling like I could just move forward and in my mind that is not what my inner support needed to look like.
When I am talking to my FEAR – for sure I always need to remain firm – to remind myself it is FEAR and use words like ‘1,2,3, MOVE’ instead of just caving to it. I know I have had to kick my butt on numerous occasions.
What I wanted to find was my inner support that matched my external support. I can tell you that circle is a wonderful space for me to talk it out, no judgements, no tough talk at all. A very supportive space….. could I do this for myself?
OK – I will tell you the secret – I learnt how to do this. OK, OK, stop asking so many questions – I will tell you how this all started for me. There was actually a couple of steps that really created a strong inner support. Let me go through them with you.
Firstly, I know I talk about my inner critic (IC), I didn’t always talk to her with love. I was really harsh to her but honestly imagine if you could talk to her with love and compassion. Well I learnt that I could. Firstly I had to go through a practice of waking up for a whole week and just writing what entered my mind before I did anything else.I found during this practice all I did was argue with my IC and I hated it. What it looked like for me was all the thoughts that woke me at 3 am (these were just my IC telling me off for anything that I did not perfect the day before). So this caused my writing to be nothing but an argument. I remember discussing this task with my mentor and she just simply said "what if you spoke to her with love?" -I hadn't realised before how much anger was coming out in my words! Why wasn't I using love? For some reason this was what I needed and every time I start to use anger, I ask myself "Why not love?". I couldn't believe this one question really altered conversations in my head from then on in. I really am amazed at how it is the smallest shifts that can make a huge difference.
The second thing that changed for me was during my Monday night group meditation. Our meditation mentor was taking us through an amazing meditation and it was about your future self based of Tara Mohrs work – long story short it really resonated and worked so well. During the meditation I met my future self. The future Kylie is so wise, compassionate, loving, nurturing and I have to add one older hot mumma! I was in awe of her, I felt her wisdom and power. I knew she could deal with any of my hurt. This visual, this mediation was the seed I needed for my own Inner Support to grow.
This became by biggest inner support. If I needed to work through an issue or I felt I was emotionally struggling I would just call on future Kylie. The reason that I really resonated with my future self was I could see what she would bring to the table. Let me introduce you to future Kylie – she is fucking awesome and she totally has her shit together. She is enlightened, she is calm, she handles a crisis like a god.
During one of my psychology sessions I was dealing with my inner hurt! It felt like we went back to when I could remember my first hurt; it began when I was a small child and this visual of me as a young child kept popping up for me every time I would feel pain or hurt. My brain had connected the image of me as a child and hurt. So when a situation arose for me I would see myself with the younger me and the future me if I needed more support. I really did see the 3 of us dealing with anything.
What this looked like for me was a painful situation would arise and I could clearly see the younger me hurt and crying. I would be there with my hand on her shoulder utilising all my tools that I had learnt to deal with situations like this. I am forever learning and growing so I don't always have the answer. If it felt overwhelming, future Kylie would step in with hand on my shoulder to support but then have all the solutions as she has learnt all the lessons. This became how my inner support worked, how I would deal with tough situations.
That baggage I carry around has really conditioned me. How I go to the visual of younger me is a meal reminder that a lot of my pain is in my past. I need to look at the situation thoroughly and not with old pain.
I have asked myself during these times what would a future Kylie do, it has become a well worn track in my brain and my first go to thought.
So these are the steps I took to create a kick ass inner support. I have said 'I am enough' to myself and publicly so many times it became my reality.
So ask yourself next time you are in a difficult space. What would your future self do in this situation?

​]]>
<![CDATA[My Seventh Foundation - The Magical Moon]]>Fri, 23 Aug 2019 03:36:33 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/my-seventh-foundation-the-magical-moon
​I know you are reading this and there would be some of you out there saying how the hell is the moon a foundation. Not only is it huge but it totally is a love as well... let's talk about this. 

I love astrology but I am a complete utter novice and I wish to be a superstar on this subject, do courses, talk to experts and read a tonne of books but until I get to that I will have to love what I know. 

As a soldier during field exercises I would love when it was a big fat full moon because I have shit night vision and I could not see and the bigger the moon was the better I could move around at night.  I know I have ended up in other peoples sleeping areas honestly because I got lost but this is not why I love the moon so much as a soldier. 

I don't think I even need to talk about when I was a sailor and the magic of standing on the deck and seeing a moon. It felt like being under a spell. 

Nowadays when it comes to following the moon for me I know each phase means something different is happening for me, it helps me understand what I am feeling and thinking. We all know the full moon and celebration but what about new moon and resetting. I love to know where she is and what phase she is in. I make sense of what is going on for me and how I can work with her by looking at the phase so I know whether to reset or breathe or take action.

 I have some wonderful artistic cards from Moonlogy that I place on my desk and it is that little visual reminder of the phases just like if you were looking at a calender to remind you what day it is. 

With the full moon I light a fire and I write down everything that has bothered me, no one gets to see if but I rip it up and I put it in the fire, I farewell it, it is gone and I don’t have to hold onto it any longer nor carry it around this is the most freeing thing that I have started to practice because I honestly feel if things go wrong for me to come full moon that shit is going to burn. After my fire, I take the ashes and I sprinkle them around my garden, my yard is so grounding and I feel like whatever the concerns were have disappeared and we are all being grounded together – clean slate-style feeling good and centred.  I know the Full moon is a celebration and you don't need to be a moon lover to do this, many places have full moon parties during this phase. My animals are always a little crazy and honestly, so are we - lunar (lunatic). 

Come new moon this is similar in my full moon where I  go into manifesting basically I am asking the new moon as it is new beginnings for all the things that I desire and want to create in this next phase. It is writing out and visualising having those things and this is wonderful for me as I get a fresh manifest list each month. Even if I think about something during the moon cycle I know new moon time I can just ask for it. I have managed to manifest some amazing things into my life just from this practice alone 

Now I know that new and full moon are not a daily foundation but it is knowing where the moon is at and what are good days and bad days – I guess I am talking about the energy that it is creating and from that I can plan out my months, when to have that meeting, when to have a rest day and I work with the moon to carve out my diary and work with it instead of against it. I seek help from professionals whilst having a learner plate on. One of my favourites is Soulshine Astrology. I really connect with all that is put out by her and I do get a lot of my information from her as well. 

This being my most enjoyable foundation I even hosted a dream dinner under a full moon this year for my circle. It was amazing. So worth celebrating. 
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<![CDATA[My Sixth Foundation: Mindfulness - Making Tea]]>Thu, 01 Aug 2019 07:00:00 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/my-sixth-foundation-mindfulness-making-tea
​It is a day of total ‘go mode’ and it feels rushed with so many things on and trying to get them all done – it feels too busy and you would much rather be productive than this crazy mode. It is a day that I skipped meditation as I needed to get a jump on the day and start my tasks early. In my head, I am justifying missing this as I am in such a good place and I don’t need to stress about missing a practice.  When I start the day I feel like I have got this and I am ok juggling all these ‘to-do’ tasks.  The day moves forward and task after task, I have forgotten to use the bathroom or even drink water as I have been fast-paced all day and then it hits me. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Nothing is so important that you need to forget looking after you. 

There have been stages where I need to do shit and get it done but that has been when I have been deployed overseas or on a major Army Exercise and required to work 10-12 hour days, I can get shit done when I need to. My every day is not that time and I have to step away from the conditioning of this. I have done this 'go mode' so many times and week after week, until Friday hits and well I am lying on the lounge with 2-3 wine bottles drunk and the wheel of camembert gone and I can’t cook dinner because I am emotionally exhausted as I have given all of me all week.  

Some of you might be thinking, that is what the weekend is for – how Friday is wine o'clock and how that is the unwind time. It is not for me, I am seeking vitality in every day, joy in every day that is my goal, I am forever working on it. 

For me when I recognised that I was being busy the magic was acknowledging and slowing down.  Wow, this is a lesson, not to jump into that mode but to step back and have a look at it from every angle then with ease and grace focus on one task, like when I'm typing now I feel the keys under my fingers watching the letters appear on the screen and I am enjoying just being creative. I am mindful at the moment, I guess it is like a bit of a bubble. This is slowing down for me and I realised that this was something that I needed in my every day, it is a practice I wanted to work on and ensure that I kept. I was getting more work done if I was more mindful in my tasks. I also needed to be mindful in my breaks as well. This magic made me feel restful, more vitality and enjoying all the smaller things just like typing now. I created my list and I could focus on one thing at a time. I became calmer. 

I met this lady called Lisa Wescott who is another friend in my circle and she introduced me to tea! I am a coffee drinker and was not keen on tea at all, as coffee is all about to go go go! My only introduction to tea was a Lipton bag in a mug with milk (yuck) - give me coffee any day. When I met Lisa I was mesmerised in her tea telling stories, the world stopped as she explained about what the tea reminded her off ( a memory from her past) where the leaves came from, what they felt like, how to seep and prepare each different type of tea. I would love how she could recommend food to pair with particular teas (she also loves to bake). It felt like meditation in itself. I was so so lost in that story with her and her tea was exceptional. 

For me making a pot of tea took time, we all know how to do things quickly but do we know how to slow it down? To make coffee it is one press of my machine and bam it's instantly done for me! That is this day and age. But choosing a tea, using a teapot, selecting a beautiful teacup, seeping, waiting, pouring and then sitting and enjoying the tea was this magical mindful act. Is this meditation in itself? 

I had previously worn my ‘busy’ badge like it was a medal that I wear on my Army uniform. I realise how crazy this is as I cringe when I hear the words “I am so busy”. I want to hear how people are making time for themselves, the no crashing on Friday evening but the enjoyment of life. 

This practice has become one of my foundations, being mindful is an art form and something to practice every day. I find from tea making and focusing on one thing at a time when someone comes to talk to me they have my full attention when my daughter needs a hug then I get lost in that moment and when David captures me for a kiss in the kitchen I kiss just that bit longer. Being mindful and practising with tea has helped me slow everything down. 

Who is up for a cup of tea? 
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<![CDATA[You are asking the wrong question!]]>Thu, 25 Jul 2019 07:00:00 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/you-are-asking-the-wrong-question
I am in a coffee shop with my almond croissant that I have not touched, and I have tears running down my face as I talk to my gorgeous friend from my circle. I am telling her that I do my practices, I am very self-aware of my emotions when things are happening for me, I have a huge education on making myself a priority so “how the fuck did I get into this shit show vortex?” I have been thrown off balance, the Inner Critic is having a god damn field day with me and I feel like a total teary mess. She looks me straight in the eyes and tells me ‘You are asking the wrong question’ Ummmmmm big pause as I was seeking comfort and was hurting, and this one sentence stopped me in my tracks! As I wiped my eyes and I sat up and asked, ‘what do you mean?’ Was I ready for her response? she said to me ‘The question is how you are going to move out of it’. 

Why the hell was I dwelling on how I got there when the perfect question and what I needed to do more than ever was to shift this feeling; how was I going to action that. Sitting in that shit show vortex and even with all that I know I could not see clearly, I was stuck in it – stuck in the story of woe is me and I am exhausted and I am done, I have had enough, I am packing my bags and moving to Canada away from everyone. Most of all of this fuelled by my Inner Critic and she was creating one hell of a story. It isn’t that I forget to just process my emotions, it isn’t that I did not know how to shift these feelings, it isn’t that I am hopeless but when fatigue, emotional, physical or trauma arises I struggle at times of what I need to do. Then once I am in that story well, my IC loves the drama and my role as the leading lady has to be played, Gold Logie style. I am talking about how we just don’t see what we can do but rather just be really stuck in our story. Well, my role has changed over the years and I do make time to sit with it BUT still, I was stuck and that is what affected me. How do I still get stuck and asking that same old question ‘How did I get here?’ It has been probably a few years that I felt this way. But here I was again. 

Honestly the work I have been doing not take this path has been huge, cultivating daily practices to help deal with emotional fatigue, sadness, hurt and trauma. I have recently loved a particular meditation about accepting the ‘bad’ taking it in and releasing a tonne of love. It really felt like the final piece of the puzzle on how to deal, accept and trust when I had something coming at me. I have worked on time and looking back at my successes and my 100% success rate and my toolbox are seriously overflowing on how to deal with anything that may rise. So I am feeling pretty good about it, I write about, I present about it all and I do feel that I have it covered. 

See I can’t escape life, I can’t escape that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and that possibly even though I have journeyed it before, there might be a new lesson in this space and I need to look at it from another angle. 

The question I then asked myself was ‘how am I going to move out of this?’ I realised that I needed some rest, some quiet so I could think, some time alone to create space, a cleansed area, bathtubs, chocolate, my journal and a book. With all of this, I could breathe, I could process those emotions that took me to the shit show and I can unpack it one by one. Oh, the magic of this space and realising this is exactly how I shift this. I know I need different things for different lessons. You don’t have to have the answer to exactly how but start with the first step. I still have a bit of a hangover from it all and I certainly cant perfect moving out of it with ease and speed. It is just what it is, so I am currently in be gentle mode until I feel 100% again. I can't force it and some lessons take more time than others. I know it took me a whole year when I separated from my ex-husband. It was step by step. 

I am still learning to be ok with my ups and downs and not be hard on myself when I find myself somewhere I wish I wasn’t. It is ok to learn, it is ok to be emotional and deal with it the right way. It is so ok to eat chocolate and it is more than ok to reach out.  Once there is acceptance there is a big shift and we have trajectory again to the path we would much rather be on. 

I do know that we cannot avoid the hard stuff that happens to us, around us and with us. I can't run from it, I can't avoid it but I do have to sit with it every now and then, have trust, learn from it and shift to a better place. Like the sun and the moon, we need both to grow. 

I have written this question down and placed in my journal, another prompt to always make sure I am asking the right question. I choose to be living in a higher vibe but I have all the tools to deal with the lower vibes, just got to remind myself to step out of the drama first. 

Are you asking the right questions?
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<![CDATA[My Fifth Foundation: Mood Rocks - Crystals]]>Thu, 18 Jul 2019 07:00:00 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/my-fifth-foundation-mood-rocks-crystals
Going through the airport security and you are asked to empty out the contents of your handbag! Well, this could get kind of interesting if you are anyone like me and really do carry around with you EVERYTHING YOU NEED! At least I did not set the alarm off it was just my bag looks kind of odd through the x-ray machine. I really don’t think it was the crystals that concerned the security lady, but they really did look at me funny as at least five of my favourite rocks fall out onto the counter. 

I actually have so many funny stories when it comes to crystals. Stories that span back 16 years of what I have always called my hippy approach to protection and love. I have found out so much more over the years and have recently been gifted into my life one amazing lady Kathy @geo junkie – talk about girl crushing. I love every single crystal that she talks about and I want one of everything. Shut up and take my money! 

I can’t remember if I purchased my first crystal or if it was a gift but I remember I was in a bad place emotionally, like so many of us I was going through one of those big life challenges - a divorce with my daughters father and I did everything I could to keep my head above water at this stage – I clung to crystals for dear life. I know I really did not understand them or their power but when you are at rock bottom and honestly  I was trying to hold onto anything to get through each and every day.  I had no idea of how these crystals interacted with my energy or why I chose certain ones or why I had them in my bra, pockets, car, handbags but like everything I do – I understand so much more NOW. Gotta love those lessons. 

So, on reflection, it really was going from one or two that I shoved in my bra to now crystals around the entire house. Every entrance to the house has crystals, bedroom, my work area and the staircase basically if you enter my home you will cross paths with my crystals. I really feel the energy of people more than ever before and I know that sounds hippy as hell but honestly all of us can feel this – I bet you have felt it walking into a room after an argument like when the air is so thick you can cut it with a knife or a salesperson who is a little bit prickly when you are being super nice. Well take this and then times it by a 100 and that is what I feel and whenever someone is covering it up "got their mask on" I still feel it.    I place crystals specifically in my home to clear out any negative energy that has stuck to me, my family or any visitor coming in. You could call my home a complete 'energy safe zone' so it is a space I can rest, ground and relax. This is intentional due to the last few years of trauma and needing to find an area I could heal.  Previously I have been physically ill from toxic energy and toxic environments (have you gotten a terrible headache at work etc) Well all those little things you just might shake off and ignore I can see now more than ever it is energy. So this is how crystals play an important part in my day to day. 

It is not all about protection but also I use these crystals so I can feel happy, empowered, creative and love all with different crystals. So, I spread that around my house and also with my family – looking after and loving my nearest and dearest. I can tell you that this really works for me. I feel though it is so normalised as crystals are very mainstream now. 

Honestly, they don't like to sit still and I do see some are winking at me (you could say they catch your eye) these are the ones that I know that I need to hold onto for that day. I do however find them everywhere in clutches, jean pockets and yes even the washing machine. I do tend to gift to others, sometimes the other person needs them more.  

David (my partner) would say it is a much cheaper habit than loving diamond jewellery (do love those too) but I have come to use them everywhere I go….. Oh, this one time I was heading into surgery and I had a little bag of special crystals to get me through the procedure (total hate going under and paranoid about what I will say). The nurses were great and the anesthetist was a little unsure because I would not let go of them. When I had woken my bag of crystals were taped to my chest so no one would lose them and they were safe during the procedure. I love that it is so accepting. 

Crystals give me so much joy and really a big part of my seven foundations that get me through the day. You will always find me with one, come ask me to empty my pockets and see what type I am carrying around. 


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<![CDATA[2 years on and am i nailing it?]]>Sun, 30 Jun 2019 09:03:42 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/2-years-on-and-am-i-nailing-it
​Do you love all your Facebook memories? Well, I can say that some bring the largest of smiles and heart melts and some others might have me saying “Fuck you Facebook” you can’t avoid the anniversary pics of an ex, or 3 years ago what you were doing with an old best friend that you are no longer friends with. It does start my 'Inner Critic' up and the conversation in my head always seems to be around me being a failure.  So how to deal with this? How to see how far I have come and understood all the lessons I have been through and look at them with compassion. 

Once I have addressed the 'Inner Critic' harshest of words with love and we get rid of those 'failure' conversations. I can take that time to reflect on the last two years and I do feel that I have come so damn far and learnt so much BUT I also feel that I haven’t learnt the lessons and find myself repeating situations that I felt I had journeyed already. Why am I revisiting them? Why does it feel like we have to learn the same thing over and over?  Well, I have thought about this and let me tell what I have learnt:

I do believe that in our culture that we look at time as linear, and I have even done this with timelines of my life etc which has been homework tasks from my psychologist, but in other cultures, it is more circular like looking at moon phases and our quarterly seasons ( summer is my favourite. I do feel looking at the time this way sits much better with me. I love that when I look at joining these two ways of looking at time, you take a circle and a line and it turns into a  corkscrew view. That kind of feels how life is at moments, it can go round and round but still moving forward. However, my mind went straight to opening a bottle of red wine here, and I would love to say I see myself as a bottle of Shiraz (big and bold) only getting better with age. OK, I will try and stay on topic lol.  

If I look at our circular view, relationships are like seasons with many elements that are the same but so much can change and be different. This is where the corkscrew feel comes into effect for me, I am doing circles but the trajectory is forward anyway.  David and I are coming up to six years together and as I have stated before this is my third marriage so should I not be perfect at relationships? You would think after getting to the third serious one I  have learnt all that I need to know? It is the same heading into let's say new work environment - you still have a boss and staff so we have elements that are the same but again there are always new challenges in both of these environments. As the seasons pass and we move through the corkscrew we are learning different elements of these lessons or you could say we are levelling up like playing a game and learning the rules at the harder levels. 

So like that corkscrew where I wind through my linear of time, I have changed, grown, learnt in so many ways but there are always going to be similar things to deal with. Those are the same touch points during every cycle, season or moon phase I feel my life is exactly like that. I really have gone through the higher levels but the end is not in sight and I have still got new obstacles with new lessons. The same in your computer game, you learn new ways to deal with more advanced obstacles than the much lower levels! My skills and toolbox are way more equipped now to deal with obstacles but obstacles are always there (damn it). There are always lessons to be learnt.

I really was struggling when similar lessons came along my path and I did start to think that when similar lessons come back at me that I had already done this and it should be in the past because I nailed it last time around. What did I not learn, why am I here again? Is the universe got a torture plan out there for me? It is not the case though it is in fact that I was going through the seasons in that circular motion and I get to look at the obstacles with a more intelligent view, maybe a different angle.  

There was a dream after I felt that I had learnt so much and getting hell enlightened that I was in a bit of a personal development super safe bubble and that I was not going to feel pain like I had before. Unfortunately I don’t get to go through life that way and nor should I, what I learnt is that I am resilient as hell and I have shown the strength to always learn more and deal with more even on days that I feel like I am learning or living the same shit story from a few years ago. I don't need to run away from anything that scares or hurts me because I know I am equipped to deal with it. 100% success rate right here. 

So yep, 2 years on I have left the Full-time Military but I am still working as Reservist. I have done shit loads of Personal Development courses but I am forever a student. I love David more deeply but still, we argue and nothing is perfect. I still lose my shit with the children when I should have learnt to remove the triggers. Friendships are still challenging and I do step away from those who do not like the new enlightened me. I am still anxious at times, my weight still goes up and down with stress. 

BUT I realise more than ever it is just different seasons and I have come so far down the self-development path that I KNOW that I am kicking goals even when I feel that I am not. So 2 years on, I am nailing it!


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<![CDATA[My fourth foundation that gets me through the day - my anointing - oils]]>Wed, 05 Jun 2019 07:37:50 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/my-fourth-foundation-that-gets-me-through-the-day-my-anointing-oils
Keys, handbag, phone, water bottle, favourite pen, journal ~ oh and what oil do I need today?

You have those light bulb conversations sometimes and I really did with a girlfriend of mine and how we talked about oils being a layer of protection that we need to wear and different days require different levels of protection. Honestly, I would say like most people I started the love of oils with Lavender and trying to relax or a citrus one to make my house smell lovely but I really did not know the power that they had and what it looked like to use them for that protection and self-care on a daily basis. 

At my desk, I have a beautiful blend called '4 Love' the closest members of my team know when they start getting fired up and annoyed with something then I am opening the oil rubbing it on my palms, then rub my palms together and then take in the smell and swish it around my face and body. It is a reminder that I need to pause, listen with love and respond with love. I had done it so many times that they started to ask what the hell is that? I would take their hand and rub a little on their palm and mimic the action that they needed to do. This was so damn effective (disclaimer here ~ you really do need those friends you have built trust with, you just can't go doing this to anyone in the office) as it made them stop, pause and breathe if nothing else this is a very effective mindfulness tool. This always changes the conversation and it heads into a different direction.  Yes!!!!

I truly love smells, I love when I walk past a well-dressed man and the smell of his aftershave or when I walk past someone when exercising and the sweet smell of freshly sprayed deodorant. So many others smells, baking reminds me of my mum and weirdly cigar smoke reminds me of my Pop! I know smell is a wonderful thing, creates a little happy and also brings wonderful memories for me. So to me, it makes total sense that smell can evoke so many other things for me and react to different areas in my brain. 

I am so in love with this idea and it was when I met Anna from Aromatics for the Wellbeing (what a lady and fellow Pisces), she can read me and look at what I need, like do I need to release something or do I need love right now and from that she can create the most amazing blends. 

I have this huge Queenslander and in many of my rooms I have a diffuser, people that come to the house say they can smell my house when they hit my front gate! It creates my beautiful space and not only has an effect on me but everyone that enters that space. This practice is powerful. 

I can go back as far as my daughters birth - her Dad a total hippy together we wrote out a birthing plan, we wanted soft light with lamps, music playing, and an oil burner to create a beautiful smell all together this created a space I wanted my baby to enter into. I did not realise the effect it had on everyone around me. The rush of nurses as they hit the door dramatically slowed down an entirely different approach towards this space. It has an effect and a wonderful one. 

I have oils that inspire me for when I am writing, soothe me for those low vibe days, oils for protection and for grounding they have been blended with the intention to help particular moods, crisis, health issues.   I do have a bowl at my back door where I grab a roll on of oil that I wear that day and have in my handbag which I use when I feel the need.  I like to think of this as my protection bubble and I have this crazy little ritual which by the way I love to ensure my bubble is protected with the oil and I am feeling well. 

I also use them in my bathtub, I do like to soak away concerns and also drum up some new ideas in the tub. Anna has done up some great little bottles called ‘stillness’ and ‘going deep’ I can tell you they have pretty much glued me to the bath and I do my best relaxation and thinking using these oils. 

I wish I could explain all the effects and sound like a brilliant scholar but let me give you a little bit of Kylie speak. With everything that I do I am chasing the feeling of happy, I am learning to live with all the opposite energy to happy but it is happy that I am chasing! What this feels like, when I am in this state I do so many better things, I am the best version of me! I do my work well, I create space for others, I create great energy and let's face it a happy me is so much better than an unhappy me. So just like with so many other actions I do oils are a foundation that can create that for me. It is a mental cue and using all my senses that evoke that. It is a practice to remember to Stop, pause, breathe, take in that smell and then RESPOND. 
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<![CDATA[i no longer need an editor]]>Wed, 01 May 2019 07:00:00 GMThttp://letsbereal.com.au/blog/i-no-longer-need-an-editor
What would be really funny if I made a spelling or grammatical error in the first paragraph and you will be like ummmm Kylie – yes you do! I want to talk more about this than just missing a comma. Stay with me.. this gets good!

One of my best friends has been editing my blogs for over 12 months and has been by my side since I started. He has seen the tears and heard me cry into the phone saying I am not good enough, this blog is crap, no one wants to read this, who the hell do I think I am (yes my Inner Critic aka Brittney Biatch was having a field day). I can tell you that in the beginning when I started sharing my stories I needed so much hand holding for reassurance to get me through the process. I was so terribly unsure whether it would be liked or not or I was just telling these stories so poorly. 

He was so great and would work through each article (very gently as I was so fucking emotional) but together we were making it better. I needed that support, the softness and really I needed him to help me fix it, I needed him to say it was ok and we can put this out into the world. Yes, he is amazing! (look, Glen, I acknowledged your amazingness here)

Then as I wrote more articles, there was less hand-holding – more joking like “Kylie use fucking spell check for Christ sake” It became fun and he was still correcting my errors and my page come back with red pen all over it but I was less scared and I trusted a hell of a lot more than I did from the beginning. 

I was growing and developing and working on me. I was going through different workshops as well as  a Power program with Kylie Bartlett (Lead.Love.Leap) and I felt so damn strong and on purpose from doing this. My safe space was still getting my work checked even after all this self development because I was not ready to do this solo – even though I had gone from a blubbering mess to laughing and joking about it and enjoying the process. I also had made real ground in my kick ass self development  but I still needed my editor.

Then something happened, there was no red pen on my work! Oh hell no, wait a minute.. this only works if it is corrected and then I share it with the world. This had been my process, not ready to change it. So I instantly became argumentive. I was pretty much telling him to reread it, I was having a go at him for not giving it the time it needed. I could not believe that there were no errors. I am not perfect and I can not write perfectly at all. They came back time and time again with no red pen on them and that is where I had no choice but  I started to accept it. He had told me so many times that I had grown, I could write, I was funny, I was interesting, and to trust and just share it. My Inner Critic said ‘Bullshit – he has no more time for me!” each little positive came through and whether I believed he was busy or I was better  my interaction with him then became me asking the question  on my blogs  ‘ is this interesting to you?’ and I would get a 'yes' or maybe 'try this angle' or basically he would tell me how it resonated with him and how he loved it. No more red penning at all. Wooohoooo! What the hell was going on here?

It hit me today, I had levelled up. I had been using him to stay in my safe place because I was not ready to grow again.. that means work, more tears, more having to trust and more vulnerability. I HAD LEVELED UP. I had passed the grade, got top marks, moved from bottom english to top enlgish class but I was holding myself back as I could not see it. Only when I was listening to someone else talk the same way that I talked to him did the mirror come up  and I finally could see it. Mmmmmm, thankyou for this! My power circle of women are hell amazing when it comes to holding the mirror up. So I called him today and I told him exactly this, and as always he says with all love just how far I have come and how proud he is. 

I am so supported, be my wonderful editor or the amazing group of women I surround myself with - I have fucking got this. I trust myself and I can move forward to the next level.

 I no longer need an editor and I am ok with that. 

p.s. Glen if you could just edit this and send back to me ASAP that would be great. I want to upload. JUST KIDDING.
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