What would be really funny if I made a spelling or grammatical error in the first paragraph and you will be like ummmm Kylie – yes you do! I want to talk more about this than just missing a comma. Stay with me.. this gets good!
One of my best friends has been editing my blogs for over 12 months and has been by my side since I started. He has seen the tears and heard me cry into the phone saying I am not good enough, this blog is crap, no one wants to read this, who the hell do I think I am (yes my Inner Critic aka Brittney Biatch was having a field day). I can tell you that in the beginning when I started sharing my stories I needed so much hand holding for reassurance to get me through the process. I was so terribly unsure whether it would be liked or not or I was just telling these stories so poorly.
He was so great and would work through each article (very gently as I was so fucking emotional) but together we were making it better. I needed that support, the softness and really I needed him to help me fix it, I needed him to say it was ok and we can put this out into the world. Yes, he is amazing! (look, Glen, I acknowledged your amazingness here)
Then as I wrote more articles, there was less hand-holding – more joking like “Kylie use fucking spell check for Christ sake” It became fun and he was still correcting my errors and my page come back with red pen all over it but I was less scared and I trusted a hell of a lot more than I did from the beginning.
I was growing and developing and working on me. I was going through different workshops as well as a Power program with Kylie Bartlett (Lead.Love.Leap) and I felt so damn strong and on purpose from doing this. My safe space was still getting my work checked even after all this self development because I was not ready to do this solo – even though I had gone from a blubbering mess to laughing and joking about it and enjoying the process. I also had made real ground in my kick ass self development but I still needed my editor.
Then something happened, there was no red pen on my work! Oh hell no, wait a minute.. this only works if it is corrected and then I share it with the world. This had been my process, not ready to change it. So I instantly became argumentive. I was pretty much telling him to reread it, I was having a go at him for not giving it the time it needed. I could not believe that there were no errors. I am not perfect and I can not write perfectly at all. They came back time and time again with no red pen on them and that is where I had no choice but I started to accept it. He had told me so many times that I had grown, I could write, I was funny, I was interesting, and to trust and just share it. My Inner Critic said ‘Bullshit – he has no more time for me!” each little positive came through and whether I believed he was busy or I was better my interaction with him then became me asking the question on my blogs ‘ is this interesting to you?’ and I would get a 'yes' or maybe 'try this angle' or basically he would tell me how it resonated with him and how he loved it. No more red penning at all. Wooohoooo! What the hell was going on here?
It hit me today, I had levelled up. I had been using him to stay in my safe place because I was not ready to grow again.. that means work, more tears, more having to trust and more vulnerability. I HAD LEVELED UP. I had passed the grade, got top marks, moved from bottom english to top enlgish class but I was holding myself back as I could not see it. Only when I was listening to someone else talk the same way that I talked to him did the mirror come up and I finally could see it. Mmmmmm, thankyou for this! My power circle of women are hell amazing when it comes to holding the mirror up. So I called him today and I told him exactly this, and as always he says with all love just how far I have come and how proud he is.
I am so supported, be my wonderful editor or the amazing group of women I surround myself with - I have fucking got this. I trust myself and I can move forward to the next level.
I no longer need an editor and I am ok with that.
p.s. Glen if you could just edit this and send back to me ASAP that would be great. I want to upload. JUST KIDDING.
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.