Swimming in ocean in my undies: So I guess this day requires some background. I was home bound due to a contractor being here installing some blinds and screens (which would have been great for the pillow fort- should of thought of that later during the week). I also had work contact me and I started feeling anxious. It was funny how just a quick call from them got me a little wound up. It was all about my different job opportunities for 2018 etc and working through that. It was hard because all I could think about was I need Kylie time, not just a vacation but real fucking time to heal, to journey, to try new things, to try new things on… so I was struggling with having to make these decisions. All the time being housebound .. so side tracking here but the workman had been here before and basically told me I was a different person and the last time he was here I was what you would call a biatch! WOW.. ok, cant remember it but know the stress obviously pushed me over the limit… I talked to him and he was not keen coming to this house at all today.. another WOW! Ok, well lets put on an 80s play list (he had a mullet, I guessed this would be appropriate) I made him a cup of tea and chatted, he talked about his new house, the colors, his garden, his family and he was a very proud man. I hope that I turned this around, I really do.. I am so sad that I made a person feel this way that he must of thought “shit day”… he sung all day, he chatted and smiled as I chatted back. I apologized, I explained the stress and told him this is who I actually am. I have tears thinking about this… how fucking different I have been over the last 18 months. It honestly rips my heart to pieces, I have a tough exterior but I am so fucking fragile inside.
Anyway, work phone calls, contractor.. house bound all day. I got the dogs for a walk and went I am going to beach.. I tried to shift my mood….. played music .. but I still managed to basically tell this other couple to control their dog instead of just chatting… the shit of the day was heavy.
All I could think about is Kyle’s book – I hope I screw this up… and how I am not the icecube but I am the fucking ocean. Don’t be the fucking icecube … be the ocean.
So I am standing on the beach … little voice saying get in… big voice saying .. don’t be fucking stupid its windy as fuck, you don’t have a towell and you have a long walk back and drive home being wet. Little voice… spontaneous week.. don’t question just do!.. Big voice… Fuck you Jeremy.. and the clothes came of and I jumped in the ocean fucking screaming I am not the ice cube… THIS CHANGED MY DAY! I wanted to share because it was huge for me.. seriously was… So I did.. didn’t think about it just shared it and then AFTER… few male friends sent me thankyou messages… LOL… but it did my head wonders.
I remember I use to say when anything got hard that I want my pillow fort and I don’t want to come out. One of the comfort zones I would escape to is my bedroom, my bed.. I have suffered depression before and I remember even Alicia has lied in bed with me eating cheesecake and not coming out. Not a happy memory by the way, but still a memory. When life is hard I want to curl up and not deal with it. So chatting to mates heading to work on Monday this thought crossed my mind… I thought what if I did this cause I can, not because I’m sad, or because I want to hide out.. but flick the memory to a fun one… It reminded me of PJ weekend days I did with Alicia.. So I created a pillow fort, sheet and all .. exactly how a five year old would .. cause its fun. And it stayed there all day.. I wish I could say I hung out all day but I struggle to sit still at the best of times..So I kept coming back to it during the day and picking up my book. It made me smile.. So why post to Facebook? Well I thought if I am doing this then I need to DO THIS! Not be scared of the random things and how much fun to share whilst everyone is at work I am in a pillow fort!! So then that started. It was a great day!
I know that we all take that holiday as we need it, a quick trip to Bali to recharge so we can go back to the day to day grind. So when do we actually take that real break, most times I come back from a holiday I need a holiday to recover from my holiday. You?
So at a point in my life where I was scraping the bottom of my tool box to deal with the day to day stress, my eldest leaving home, a crazy 18 months of work and not in the good way. I need time for me. I need time to be happy to those loved ones around me. I NEED TO FIND MY (insert glorious word here), I need to do it.
We agonise over our decisions and this was no easy one, so 4 months Long Service Leave at half pay and a month of Annual Leave and I have some time to do this.
See ya later, out the door, not looking back, being brave!
So here I find myself with 5 months of holidays, yep for ME!
The brain is great and already started the list of the must do whilst on holiday plan. This was two pages! Everyone asking me "so what are your plans?" on the inside my inner Kylie voice is screaming "I have no plans" I just need time for me.
I don't know where this is going, but its a journey, its a conversation, it could be complete insanity but lets sit for a minute and just sit loosely with the idea... this could be amazing!
Actually this will be amazing, come watch!
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.