My pegs on the clothes line are a mess!

​We love things in order, I know with my family and the different personalities we thrive with order around us, it helps set foundations for the day. Maybe it is the comfort that order brings or being organised around us which then enables us to attack the rest of the day or any plans.

I used to live in that world and constantly strive to live a perfect life. Only problem was I would beat myself up when felt I had failed. That damn inner critic would tell me how bad I was and hopeless and I would not amount to anything successful. All because I did not get something done, I was lazy, and I did not have everything in order.

I love a tidy house, mess creates confusion and creates an inability to stop and pause and work on the important things, like writing, meditation, being me and being ok with that. I was always “I will get to me time once I have everything in order”. Order, order, order… what made me strive for crazy perfection and never allowing myself the time and space to do things that were truly needed as I was so damn busy putting it all in order?

So not only order, but I needed to do it - MYSELF. Well I know how to do it right, others would get it wrong and could I trust them to do it properly? So, I was busy, rush rush rush… do all the jobs myself, get it in order, create perfection… time for me can wait until everything is sorted. I can be a mum, wife, best friend, soldier, and writer but only to perfection.

THEN… my marriage ended! It was for a lot of reasons, but it was the wakeup call I needed. I had to lay flat and cry, be loving to myself, be kind, let go of perfection, let go of order. I had to make me the priority! I did this because I had a beautiful daughter and I wanted to be someone she looked up to… not a mum who tried to kill herself living a perfect life but someone that can deal with knocks of life, not need perfection and made myself a priority.

This is not easy, it’s years of habits and knowing that you have to let go of the little things that are taking up time and space that is needed for YOU.

How to let some things go…. so, if my family hangs washing on the line, it is everywhere and pegs where they should not be. I know my Mum and my Grandmother are doing backflips in their grave as I learnt this from them (don’t get me started on the mother wound) the pegs are all different types and colours and they are in no order.

Some of you might get this and others might be thinking..umm Kylie has lost the plot and is talking about pegs. It was one thing I could let go of and if I could do that with one perfection rule then I can do it with others. Letting go of the need for perfection and the control that having everything in order means. Then it was the dishwasher, and then the linen cupboard and then the wardrobe, and magically time for me was created.

Don’t worry my house is tidy and all those things I needed in order you probably would not notice, I make time and space for me and acknowledge that I AM ENOUGH. I work the scales in my favour, creating time – pockets of time for self-care and nurturing and writing. So, I don’t get everything done, I don’t need to! I have time, it will be ok, the world won’t end.

And now I can breathe, practice stillness, and honestly just let go.