Spontaneous Week - Strip to undies and swim on public beach

Swimming in ocean in my undies: So I guess this day requires some background. I was home bound due to a contractor being here installing some blinds and screens (which would have been great for the pillow fort- should of thought of that later during the week). I also had work contact me and I started feeling anxious. It was funny how just a quick call from them got me a little wound up. It was all about my different job opportunities for 2018 etc and working through that. It was hard because all I could think about was I need Kylie time, not just a vacation but real fucking time to heal, to journey, to try new things, to try new things on… so I was struggling with having to make these decisions. All the time being housebound .. so side tracking here but the workman had been here before and basically told me I was a different person and the last time he was here I was what you would call a biatch! WOW.. ok, cant remember it but know the stress obviously pushed me over the limit… I talked to him and he was not keen coming to this house at all today.. another WOW! Ok, well lets put on an 80s play list (he had a mullet, I guessed this would be appropriate) I made him a cup of tea and chatted, he talked about his new house, the colors, his garden, his family and he was a very proud man. I hope that I turned this around, I really do.. I am so sad that I made a person feel this way that he must of thought “shit day”… he sung all day, he chatted and smiled as I chatted back. I apologized, I explained the stress and told him this is who I actually am. I have tears thinking about this… how fucking different I have been over the last 18 months. It honestly rips my heart to pieces, I have a tough exterior but I am so fucking fragile inside.
Anyway, work phone calls, contractor.. house bound all day. I got the dogs for a walk and went I am going to beach.. I tried to shift my mood….. played music .. but I still managed to basically tell this other couple to control their dog instead of just chatting… the shit of the day was heavy.
All I could think about is Kyle’s book – I hope I screw this up… and how I am not the icecube but I am the fucking ocean. Don’t be the fucking icecube … be the ocean.
So I am standing on the beach … little voice saying get in… big voice saying .. don’t be fucking stupid its windy as fuck, you don’t have a towell and you have a long walk back and drive home being wet. Little voice… spontaneous week.. don’t question just do!.. Big voice… Fuck you Jeremy.. and the clothes came of and I jumped in the ocean fucking screaming I am not the ice cube… THIS CHANGED MY DAY! I wanted to share because it was huge for me.. seriously was… So I did.. didn’t think about it just shared it and then AFTER… few male friends sent me thankyou messages… LOL… but it did my head wonders.