I have talked tonnes on what my external support looks like and how I have built it up, an amazing tribe to boot and they are great. I have my family support and my inner circle and all these I can reach out to when I need. I do call on them to deal with many issues or to have a safe space to just talk out what is going on in my head but I am not on the phone 24/7 with them and I do deal with issues, emotions, thoughts, meltdowns by myself – just me looking after me so what is this thing I call my inner support?
I know I used to think that I had to be constantly strong for myself and that Inner Support looked like me just yelling at my Inner Critic to be quiet. Like an Army Physical Training Instructor just yelling at you during a Physical training session. I was really hard on myself and I believed that this was my support. Words in my head “Come on Kylie snap out of this you are tougher than this” “Stop being a sook, get on with it, get over it”. I did this when I was low, I was not feeling like I could just move forward and in my mind that is not what my inner support needed to look like.
When I am talking to my FEAR – for sure I always need to remain firm – to remind myself it is FEAR and use words like ‘1,2,3, MOVE’ instead of just caving to it. I know I have had to kick my butt on numerous occasions.
What I wanted to find was my inner support that matched my external support. I can tell you that circle is a wonderful space for me to talk it out, no judgements, no tough talk at all. A very supportive space….. could I do this for myself?
OK – I will tell you the secret – I learnt how to do this. OK, OK, stop asking so many questions – I will tell you how this all started for me. There was actually a couple of steps that really created a strong inner support. Let me go through them with you.
Firstly, I know I talk about my inner critic (IC), I didn’t always talk to her with love. I was really harsh to her but honestly imagine if you could talk to her with love and compassion. Well I learnt that I could. Firstly I had to go through a practice of waking up for a whole week and just writing what entered my mind before I did anything else.I found during this practice all I did was argue with my IC and I hated it. What it looked like for me was all the thoughts that woke me at 3 am (these were just my IC telling me off for anything that I did not perfect the day before). So this caused my writing to be nothing but an argument. I remember discussing this task with my mentor and she just simply said "what if you spoke to her with love?" -I hadn't realised before how much anger was coming out in my words! Why wasn't I using love? For some reason this was what I needed and every time I start to use anger, I ask myself "Why not love?". I couldn't believe this one question really altered conversations in my head from then on in. I really am amazed at how it is the smallest shifts that can make a huge difference.
The second thing that changed for me was during my Monday night group meditation. Our meditation mentor was taking us through an amazing meditation and it was about your future self based on Tara Mohrs work – long story short it really resonated and worked so well. During the meditation I met my future self. The future Kylie is so wise, compassionate, loving, nurturing and I have to add one older hot mumma! I was in awe of her, I felt her wisdom and power. I knew she could deal with any of my hurt. This visual, this mediation was the seed I needed for my own Inner Support to grow.
This became by biggest inner support. If I needed to work through an issue or I felt I was emotionally struggling I would just call on future Kylie. The reason that I really resonated with my future self was I could see what she would bring to the table. Let me introduce you to future Kylie – she is fucking awesome and she totally has her shit together. She is enlightened, she is calm, she handles a crisis like a god.
During one of my psychology sessions I was dealing with my inner hurt! It felt like we went back to when I could remember my first hurt; it began when I was a small child and this visual of me as a young child kept popping up for me every time I would feel pain or hurt. My brain had connected the image of me as a child and hurt. So when a situation arose for me I would see myself with the younger me and the future me if I needed more support. I really did see the 3 of us dealing with anything.
What this looked like for me was a painful situation would arise and I could clearly see the younger me hurt and crying. I would be there with my hand on her shoulder utilising all my tools that I had learnt to deal with situations like this. I am forever learning and growing so I don't always have the answer. If it felt overwhelming, future Kylie would step in with a hand on my shoulder to support but then have all the solutions as she has learnt all the lessons. This became how my inner support worked, how I would deal with tough situations.
That baggage I carry around has really conditioned me. How I go to the visual of younger me is a meal reminder that a lot of my pain is in my past. I need to look at the situation thoroughly and not with old pain.
I have asked myself during these times what would a future Kylie do, it has become a well worn track in my brain and my first go to thought.
So these are the steps I took to create a kick ass inner support. I have said 'I am enough' to myself and publicly so many times it became my reality.
So ask yourself the next time you are in a difficult space. What would your future self do in this situation?
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.