I am in a coffee shop with my almond croissant that I have not touched, and I have tears running down my face as I talk to my gorgeous friend from my circle. I am telling her that I do my practices, I am very self-aware of my emotions when things are happening for me, I have a huge education on making myself a priority so “how the fuck did I get into this shit show vortex?” I have been thrown off balance, the Inner Critic is having a god damn field day with me and I feel like a total teary mess. She looks me straight in the eyes and tells me ‘You are asking the wrong question’ Ummmmmm big pause as I was seeking comfort and was hurting, and this one sentence stopped me in my tracks! As I wiped my eyes and I sat up and asked, ‘what do you mean?’ Was I ready for her response? she said to me ‘The question is how you are going to move out of it’.
Why the hell was I dwelling on how I got there when the perfect question and what I needed to do more than ever was to shift this feeling; how was I going to action that. Sitting in that shit show vortex and even with all that I know I could not see clearly, I was stuck in it – stuck in the story of woe is me and I am exhausted and I am done, I have had enough, I am packing my bags and moving to Canada away from everyone. Most of all of this fuelled by my Inner Critic and she was creating one hell of a story. It isn’t that I forget to just process my emotions, it isn’t that I did not know how to shift these feelings, it isn’t that I am hopeless but when fatigue, emotional, physical or trauma arises I struggle at times of what I need to do. Then once I am in that story well, my IC loves the drama and my role as the leading lady has to be played, Gold Logie style. I am talking about how we just don’t see what we can do but rather just be really stuck in our story. Well, my role has changed over the years and I do make time to sit with it BUT still, I was stuck and that is what affected me. How do I still get stuck and asking that same old question ‘How did I get here?’ It has been probably a few years that I felt this way. But here I was again.
Honestly the work I have been doing not take this path has been huge, cultivating daily practices to help deal with emotional fatigue, sadness, hurt and trauma. I have recently loved a particular meditation about accepting the ‘bad’ taking it in and releasing a tonne of love. It really felt like the final piece of the puzzle on how to deal, accept and trust when I had something coming at me. I have worked on time and looking back at my successes and my 100% success rate and my toolbox are seriously overflowing on how to deal with anything that may rise. So I am feeling pretty good about it, I write about, I present about it all and I do feel that I have it covered.
See I can’t escape life, I can’t escape that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and that possibly even though I have journeyed it before, there might be a new lesson in this space and I need to look at it from another angle.
The question I then asked myself was ‘how am I going to move out of this?’ I realised that I needed some rest, some quiet so I could think, some time alone to create space, a cleansed area, bathtubs, chocolate, my journal and a book. With all of this, I could breathe, I could process those emotions that took me to the shit show and I can unpack it one by one. Oh, the magic of this space and realising this is exactly how I shift this. I know I need different things for different lessons. You don’t have to have the answer to exactly how but start with the first step. I still have a bit of a hangover from it all and I certainly cant perfect moving out of it with ease and speed. It is just what it is, so I am currently in be gentle mode until I feel 100% again. I can't force it and some lessons take more time than others. I know it took me a whole year when I separated from my ex-husband. It was step by step.
I am still learning to be ok with my ups and downs and not be hard on myself when I find myself somewhere I wish I wasn’t. It is ok to learn, it is ok to be emotional and deal with it the right way. It is so ok to eat chocolate and it is more than ok to reach out. Once there is acceptance there is a big shift and we have trajectory again to the path we would much rather be on.
I do know that we cannot avoid the hard stuff that happens to us, around us and with us. I can't run from it, I can't avoid it but I do have to sit with it every now and then, have trust, learn from it and shift to a better place. Like the sun and the moon, we need both to grow.
I have written this question down and placed in my journal, another prompt to always make sure I am asking the right question. I choose to be living in a higher vibe but I have all the tools to deal with the lower vibes, just got to remind myself to step out of the drama first.
Are you asking the right questions?
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.