Do you love all your Facebook memories? Well, I can say that some bring the largest of smiles and heart melts and some others might have me saying “Fuck you Facebook” you can’t avoid the anniversary pics of an ex, or 3 years ago what you were doing with an old best friend that you are no longer friends with. It does start my 'Inner Critic' up and the conversation in my head always seems to be around me being a failure. So how to deal with this? How to see how far I have come and understood all the lessons I have been through and look at them with compassion.
Once I have addressed the 'Inner Critic' harshest of words with love and we get rid of those 'failure' conversations. I can take that time to reflect on the last two years and I do feel that I have come so damn far and learnt so much BUT I also feel that I haven’t learnt the lessons and find myself repeating situations that I felt I had journeyed already. Why am I revisiting them? Why does it feel like we have to learn the same thing over and over? Well, I have thought about this and let me tell what I have learnt:
I do believe that in our culture that we look at time as linear, and I have even done this with timelines of my life etc which has been homework tasks from my psychologist, but in other cultures, it is more circular like looking at moon phases and our quarterly seasons ( summer is my favourite. I do feel looking at the time this way sits much better with me. I love that when I look at joining these two ways of looking at time, you take a circle and a line and it turns into a corkscrew view. That kind of feels how life is at moments, it can go round and round but still moving forward. However, my mind went straight to opening a bottle of red wine here, and I would love to say I see myself as a bottle of Shiraz (big and bold) only getting better with age. OK, I will try and stay on topic lol.
If I look at our circular view, relationships are like seasons with many elements that are the same but so much can change and be different. This is where the corkscrew feel comes into effect for me, I am doing circles but the trajectory is forward anyway. David and I are coming up to six years together and as I have stated before this is my third marriage so should I not be perfect at relationships? You would think after getting to the third serious one I have learnt all that I need to know? It is the same heading into let's say new work environment - you still have a boss and staff so we have elements that are the same but again there are always new challenges in both of these environments. As the seasons pass and we move through the corkscrew we are learning different elements of these lessons or you could say we are levelling up like playing a game and learning the rules at the harder levels.
So like that corkscrew where I wind through my linear of time, I have changed, grown, learnt in so many ways but there are always going to be similar things to deal with. Those are the same touch points during every cycle, season or moon phase I feel my life is exactly like that. I really have gone through the higher levels but the end is not in sight and I have still got new obstacles with new lessons. The same in your computer game, you learn new ways to deal with more advanced obstacles than the much lower levels! My skills and toolbox are way more equipped now to deal with obstacles but obstacles are always there (damn it). There are always lessons to be learnt.
I really was struggling when similar lessons came along my path and I did start to think that when similar lessons come back at me that I had already done this and it should be in the past because I nailed it last time around. What did I not learn, why am I here again? Is the universe got a torture plan out there for me? It is not the case though it is in fact that I was going through the seasons in that circular motion and I get to look at the obstacles with a more intelligent view, maybe a different angle.
There was a dream after I felt that I had learnt so much and getting hell enlightened that I was in a bit of a personal development super safe bubble and that I was not going to feel pain like I had before. Unfortunately I don’t get to go through life that way and nor should I, what I learnt is that I am resilient as hell and I have shown the strength to always learn more and deal with more even on days that I feel like I am learning or living the same shit story from a few years ago. I don't need to run away from anything that scares or hurts me because I know I am equipped to deal with it. 100% success rate right here.
So yep, 2 years on I have left the Full-time Military but I am still working as Reservist. I have done shit loads of Personal Development courses but I am forever a student. I love David more deeply but still, we argue and nothing is perfect. I still lose my shit with the children when I should have learnt to remove the triggers. Friendships are still challenging and I do step away from those who do not like the new enlightened me. I am still anxious at times, my weight still goes up and down with stress.
BUT I realise more than ever it is just different seasons and I have come so far down the self-development path that I KNOW that I am kicking goals even when I feel that I am not. So 2 years on, I am nailing it!
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.