Do you love all your Facebook memories? Well, I can say that some bring the largest of smiles and heart melts and some others might have me saying “Fuck you Facebook” you can’t avoid the anniversary pics of an ex, or 3 years ago what you were doing with an old best friend that you are no longer friends with. It does start my 'Inner Critic' up and the conversation in my head always seems to be around me being a failure. So how to deal with this? How to see how far I have come and understood all the lessons I have been through and look at them with compassion.
Once I have addressed the 'Inner Critic' harshest of words with love and we get rid of those 'failure' conversations. I can take that time to reflect on the last two years and I do feel that I have come so damn far and learnt so much BUT I also feel that I haven’t learnt the lessons and find myself repeating situations that I felt I had journeyed already. Why am I revisiting them? Why does it feel like we have to learn the same thing over and over? Well, I have thought about this and let me tell what I have learnt:
I do believe that in our culture that we look at time as linear, and I have even done this with timelines of my life etc which has been homework tasks from my psychologist, but in other cultures, it is more circular like looking at moon phases and our quarterly seasons ( summer is my favourite. I do feel looking at the time this way sits much better with me. I love that when I look at joining these two ways of looking at time, you take a circle and a line and it turns into a corkscrew view. That kind of feels how life is at moments, it can go round and round but still moving forward. However, my mind went straight to opening a bottle of red wine here, and I would love to say I see myself as a bottle of Shiraz (big and bold) only getting better with age. OK, I will try and stay on topic lol.
If I look at our circular view, relationships are like seasons with many elements that are the same but so much can change and be different. This is where the corkscrew feel comes into effect for me, I am doing circles but the trajectory is forward anyway. David and I are coming up to six years together and as I have stated before this is my third marriage so should I not be perfect at relationships? You would think after getting to the third serious one I have learnt all that I need to know? It is the same heading into let's say new work environment - you still have a boss and staff so we have elements that are the same but again there are always new challenges in both of these environments. As the seasons pass and we move through the corkscrew we are learning different elements of these lessons or you could say we are levelling up like playing a game and learning the rules at the harder levels.
So like that corkscrew where I wind through my linear of time, I have changed, grown, learnt in so many ways but there are always going to be similar things to deal with. Those are the same touch points during every cycle, season or moon phase I feel my life is exactly like that. I really have gone through the higher levels but the end is not in sight and I have still got new obstacles with new lessons. The same in your computer game, you learn new ways to deal with more advanced obstacles than the much lower levels! My skills and toolbox are way more equipped now to deal with obstacles but obstacles are always there (damn it). There are always lessons to be learnt.
I really was struggling when similar lessons came along my path and I did start to think that when similar lessons come back at me that I had already done this and it should be in the past because I nailed it last time around. What did I not learn, why am I here again? Is the universe got a torture plan out there for me? It is not the case though it is in fact that I was going through the seasons in that circular motion and I get to look at the obstacles with a more intelligent view, maybe a different angle.
There was a dream after I felt that I had learnt so much and getting hell enlightened that I was in a bit of a personal development super safe bubble and that I was not going to feel pain like I had before. Unfortunately I don’t get to go through life that way and nor should I, what I learnt is that I am resilient as hell and I have shown the strength to always learn more and deal with more even on days that I feel like I am learning or living the same shit story from a few years ago. I don't need to run away from anything that scares or hurts me because I know I am equipped to deal with it. 100% success rate right here.
So yep, 2 years on I have left the Full-time Military but I am still working as Reservist. I have done shit loads of Personal Development courses but I am forever a student. I love David more deeply but still, we argue and nothing is perfect. I still lose my shit with the children when I should have learnt to remove the triggers. Friendships are still challenging and I do step away from those who do not like the new enlightened me. I am still anxious at times, my weight still goes up and down with stress.
BUT I realise more than ever it is just different seasons and I have come so far down the self-development path that I KNOW that I am kicking goals even when I feel that I am not. So 2 years on, I am nailing it!
Keys, handbag, phone, water bottle, favourite pen, journal ~ oh and what oil do I need today?
You have those light bulb conversations sometimes and I really did with a girlfriend of mine and how we talked about oils being a layer of protection that we need to wear and different days require different levels of protection. Honestly, I would say like most people I started the love of oils with Lavender and trying to relax or a citrus one to make my house smell lovely but I really did not know the power that they had and what it looked like to use them for that protection and self-care on a daily basis.
At my desk, I have a beautiful blend called '4 Love' the closest members of my team know when they start getting fired up and annoyed with something then I am opening the oil rubbing it on my palms, then rub my palms together and then take in the smell and swish it around my face and body. It is a reminder that I need to pause, listen with love and respond with love. I had done it so many times that they started to ask what the hell is that? I would take their hand and rub a little on their palm and mimic the action that they needed to do. This was so damn effective (disclaimer here ~ you really do need those friends you have built trust with, you just can't go doing this to anyone in the office) as it made them stop, pause and breathe if nothing else this is a very effective mindfulness tool. This always changes the conversation and it heads into a different direction. Yes!!!!
I truly love smells, I love when I walk past a well-dressed man and the smell of his aftershave or when I walk past someone when exercising and the sweet smell of freshly sprayed deodorant. So many others smells, baking reminds me of my mum and weirdly cigar smoke reminds me of my Pop! I know smell is a wonderful thing, creates a little happy and also brings wonderful memories for me. So to me, it makes total sense that smell can evoke so many other things for me and react to different areas in my brain.
I am so in love with this idea and it was when I met Anna from Aromatics for the Wellbeing (what a lady and fellow Pisces), she can read me and look at what I need, like do I need to release something or do I need love right now and from that she can create the most amazing blends.
I have this huge Queenslander and in many of my rooms I have a diffuser, people that come to the house say they can smell my house when they hit my front gate! It creates my beautiful space and not only has an effect on me but everyone that enters that space. This practice is powerful.
I can go back as far as my daughters birth - her Dad a total hippy together we wrote out a birthing plan, we wanted soft light with lamps, music playing, and an oil burner to create a beautiful smell all together this created a space I wanted my baby to enter into. I did not realise the effect it had on everyone around me. The rush of nurses as they hit the door dramatically slowed down an entirely different approach towards this space. It has an effect and a wonderful one.
I have oils that inspire me for when I am writing, soothe me for those low vibe days, oils for protection and for grounding they have been blended with the intention to help particular moods, crisis, health issues. I do have a bowl at my back door where I grab a roll on of oil that I wear that day and have in my handbag which I use when I feel the need. I like to think of this as my protection bubble and I have this crazy little ritual which by the way I love to ensure my bubble is protected with the oil and I am feeling well.
I also use them in my bathtub, I do like to soak away concerns and also drum up some new ideas in the tub. Anna has done up some great little bottles called ‘stillness’ and ‘going deep’ I can tell you they have pretty much glued me to the bath and I do my best relaxation and thinking using these oils.
I wish I could explain all the effects and sound like a brilliant scholar but let me give you a little bit of Kylie speak. With everything that I do I am chasing the feeling of happy, I am learning to live with all the opposite energy to happy but it is happy that I am chasing! What this feels like, when I am in this state I do so many better things, I am the best version of me! I do my work well, I create space for others, I create great energy and let's face it a happy me is so much better than an unhappy me. So just like with so many other actions I do oils are a foundation that can create that for me. It is a mental cue and using all my senses that evoke that. It is a practice to remember to Stop, pause, breathe, take in that smell and then RESPOND.
I want you to be happy in your career; with my workshops we can tackle any issues that stop you from reaching that. You won't need a sea change but love who you are and what you do.